23

Right now, life's perfect. I have him and he has me. We are best friends above all, and lovers as well. We read together, we sing together, we stroll down our beautiful street at nights even when it's cold outside. Sometimes we smoke, though I'm not fond of it. We cook and wash the dishes together. We go to our classes together. We have lunch at the fac's cafeteria together. We watch black mirror together. He even helps me with my homework. I finally let myself drown in the  pleasantly warm ocean of trust. After 3 years, I finally let myself believe we can be happily ever after. There's hope we'll get outa this place in 6 months. There's so much more to this life I wanna experience (if suicide thoughts do leave me alone for good).

22

Let's get down to business!

21

In 2 short years so much is going to happen. My future, my whole life will become crystal clear. But right now, I feel like a floating leaf in the breeze. Who knows where I'm going?

20

If you ever wonder what extremists look like, I introduce myself to you. I perfected my ability in certain stuff while remaining socially awkward and incapable of meeting new people. At least, I know I'm not mediocre.

19

Even suicide demands a certain amount of faith: faith in a perfect closure, or a new beginning, faith in the fact that there won't follow a much more difficult life in death. I lack this faith. I don't trust anything or anyone. I don't trust faith. I never will.

18

نشستیم و همه ی آپشن هامونو بررسی کردیم. از اپلای به دانشگاهای ایتالیا تا روشهای مختلف خودکشی. اما همش بی نتیجه بود. تنها راه جلو رومون یه زندگی سگی بود که به خوش خیالی و جوونیمون لبخند می زد.

Journal Entry 17

My idealism saved my ass after all! With my first rank, I'm gonna build a fuckin road out of this madhouse.